I Have Lost my Fucket!

lost fucket

I honestly have no idea where it is and I couldn’t be happier. I mean, one moment I had it right there and then *poof!* it was gone!


And I mean this thing was full. To the brim! I would empty it weekly and then before I knew it, it was full again. So I would hand out what was in it. Left right and centre I would give out its contents like it was going out of fashion and then one day I woke up and I couldn’t find my Fucket. It was gone. I had nothing to hand out to the people who ever so fancied them.


I had zero fucks to give from my bucket.


I had literally lost my Fucket.


So here I sit thinking like, why on earth did I carry around this heavy ass bucket handing out fucks for so long. Why did I walk with a limp and hurt my back and try and lighten my Fucket by giving our all of these fucks just to see if my pain would go away and pass it onto someone else? I mean If I cared for my fucks that much then surely they would.




Cause they are too busy trying to lighten their Fuckets. That’s how my fucket got heavy again. Being around bitchy people who had heavy ass Fuckets who would swap their Fuckets with mine as we limped around all grumpy and sore handing out fucks to everything.


Fuck that.


So now I have no Fucket. And I’m stuck here thinking, what should I do?


Because, you know, I saw this person post something I disagreed with on social media and I totally decided to just unfollow them.


No fucks were given.


I saw someone wearing some clothes I would never wear. So guess what I did?


I reached into my back pocket and scratched my arse because I didn’t notice them.


No fucks were given.


And then this guy was rude to an old lady so guess what I did?!


Well I told him that was not a nice thing to do and that even though sometimes old people don’t know what’s going on she was probably trying her best and that she needs support and you should respect your elders and that he should apologise and he did then we went and had some ice cream and i got sprinkles because sprinkles are for winners.


It’s funny though, it’s like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders and back and life and Fucket.


Wait. I don’t have a Fucket, forget that part.


And you know the best part of all? I can’t take other people’s Fucks because I don’t have a Fucket to put it in.




Do you know what I do have though? I have this draw under my bed in my bedroom and in that draw is a box and in that box is a smaller box and in that box there is a jar and in that jar there is a hidden lists of things I secretly give a fuck about. And do you know how hard it is to get to that jar to get them out to give them. So let me tell you, if I give you a fuck you better know just how damn special you are.


Now, if this public service announcement pissed you off then please send your fucks to fucket@davenixoncoach.com.au and I will be sure to not answer because it’s not a real email.


If you feel this PSA was of any assistance to your current Fucket situation then please feel free to pass it on to any people who also hold a special spot in your ‘Fuck’ jar (sounds wrong I know but hey, it is what it is) in your box that is in a bigger box in a draw in your room under your bed.


Thank you and kick arse.


P.S. Please don’t take this seriously or send it to my Mum.

P.P.S If you did take this seriously and are offended then please do email the above email address to inform me

P.P.P.S If you emailed the above address and found that it bounced due for whatever reason then please, keep trying :)

P.P.P.P.S Last one, I promise, if you want to keep up to date with more blog posts then please subscribe as this is the last blog from this website and i will have a brand new spanking website in just a few weeks! Or don’t, you know, Fucket.

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